The United States withdrew all staff from its embassy in Syria on Monday, blaming President Bashar al-Assad for escalating violence and mayhem in the country. The FDA urges Americans to check out a really weird-looking potato, a suitcase looks forward all year to the carousel ride, and Syria is running dangerously low on citizens to oppress. A 48-year-old West Palm Beach millionaire and polo club founder has adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend in an apparent bid to avoid paying out a wrongful death lawsuit. In their second Super Bowl matchup in five seasons, the Giants and Eli Manning scored another victory over Tom Brady and the Patriots, earning the franchise its fourth Super Bowl title. An appeals court ruled on Monday that Alberto Contador, a three-time winner of the Tour de France, used a performance-enhancing drug when he won the race in 2010. Vogue’s “Need It Now” column features the new Cards from Apple, which lets users create and mail beautifully crafted cards personalized with their own text and photos from their iPhone or iPod touch. Each card is just $2.99 when sent within the U.S. and $4.99 when sent to or from anywhere else — postage included. Vogue calls the Cards app “nothing short of genius” for reviving the almost forgotten pleasure of receiving a “real, honest-to-goodness paper greeting card in the mail” and concludes: “This is the kind of vintage innovation we would all do well to download.” BOISE, ID—With what he described as "a deep sense of satisfaction," local man David Glean closed his laptop Tuesday after viewing his 98,344th pair of naked breasts, telling reporters he had seen enough bare bosoms in his 32 years to last ... Wired reviewer Brian X. Chen writes that a superb new camera and speedy dual-core processor are great additions to iPhone 4S and that Siri alone is reason enough to buy the phone: “To give you an idea of how convenient Siri is, it takes about three seconds to create a reminder with a voice command, as opposed to the 10 seconds it takes me to manually type an event into a to-do list or calendar entry.” Chen concludes: “…both inside and out, this is a magnificent smartphone.” Bloomberg’s Peter Burrows reports that Apple is making rapid headway selling into corporations — especially financial services and pharmaceutical firms. Burrows writes that Apple’s corporate sales are being driven chiefly by iPad, which “has become a standard business tool.” The article quotes Matt Wallach, co-founder of Veeva Systems, who says: “I’ve seen a lot of devices come and go over the years. Nothing touches the speed of adoption of the iPad.” JACKSONVILLE, FL—Claiming that it "doesn't really make a difference," Jacksonville Jaguars officials announced Saturday they plan to play the 2012 season without a head coach. On Mike Tyson Being Inducted Into WWE Hall Of Fame The rival Palestinian movements Fatah and Hamas said on Monday that they had formed an interim unity government led by Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestinian Authority president. Wired Magazine reports that Newsstand, a new feature of iOS 5, is “hitting it big with traditional media publishers thanks to its windfall delivery of new digital subscriptions.” Newsstand keeps all app subscriptions for newspapers, magazines, and journals in one convenient place on the iOS 5 home screen and makes it easy to shop for new reading material. Wired cites Conde Nast and The New York Times among publishers seeing large spikes in app subscriptions since Newsstand launched. Apple today announced financial results for its fiscal 2012 first quarter, which spanned 14 weeks and ended December 31, 2011. The Company posted record quarterly revenue of $46.33 billion and record quarterly net profit of $13.06 billion, or $13.87 per diluted share. These results compare to revenue of $26.74 billion and net quarterly profit of $6 billion, or $6.43 per diluted share, in the year-ago quarter. “We’re thrilled with our outstanding results and record-breaking sales of iPhones, iPads, and Macs,” said Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO. “Apple’s momentum is incredibly strong, and we have some amazing new products in the pipeline.” Apple today released Final Cut Pro X version 10.0.3, a significant update to its revolutionary professional video editing application. Version 10.0.3 introduces Multicam Editing, which automatically syncs up to 64 angles of video and photos; advanced chroma keying for handling complex adjustments right in the app; and enhanced XML for a richer interchange with third-party apps and plug-ins that support the fast growing Final Cut Pro X ecosystem. It also includes a beta version of Broadcast Monitoring that supports Thunderbolt devices as well as PCIe cards. Final Cut Pro X version 10.0.3 is available from the Mac App Store for $299.99 (US) to new users, or as a free update for existing Final Cut Pro X customers. Talking Trash The Benetton Group, headquartered in Venice, Italy, is internationally known for its lively fashions and memorable ad campaigns. Recently, they created a fast, color-accurate iPad catalog app that replaces bulky, production-intensive hardcopy catalogs. As a result, the company saves 60 days per year in preparing its sales materials for its staff and is able to adapt instantly to changes. Obama campaign aides are spending their time, they say, looking for Mitt Romney missteps, and they have been rewarded. Reviewing iPhone 4S at TechCrunch, columnist MG Siegler finds much to like, including its faster speed, improved camera, iOS 5 with Notification Center, and Siri, which he calls “the true killer feature of the device.” He adds: “The iPhone 4 was a great product. The best smartphone ever made. Now it cedes that title to the iPhone 4S.” Completely Whipped Man Crying At Wife’s Funeral Boy, it feels like I just went to bed. I must've hibernated on my back all weird or something. What a dream, though, wow. I wonder what time it...